My ego problem

This past week I kind of beat myself up after what I considered a disappointing workout session at the gym. My previous post illustrates how I set the bar way too high, and when I fell short how I punished myself for not accomplishing such an unrealistic goal. The next day I was surfing through several running website, and when I came to Active.com, there was an inspiring article about "How to Develop a Healthy Mental Attitude When You Run", written by Danny Dreyer. It was a very inspiring article, and talked about how when you run you need to drop your ego. You ego, according to Dreyer, "can either inflate you or deflate your sense of self....When your ego is deflated,you give up too easily." That right there is exactly what I DO NOT want to do with my running.

Dreyer then goes on to discuss non-identification and using it when running.

"Non-identification is the art of making healthy decisions and of seeing yourself from a balanced place without judging yourself. If you are defining your self-worth by how well a run goes---either negatively or with an inflated sense of pride--then you are identifying with how you run. When you are non-identified, you evaluate your run, but not your self worth. You notice what you did well, what you need to improve upon and enjoy the process of learning and improving your running technique."

Those last two sentences really struck a chord with me. I realized that I WAS basing my runs on who well or poorly I did on that particular run. What I need to focus on is what Dreyer said, and pick apart the run like one would evaluate a military exercise--this is right, this is wrong, this is how I can change what went wrong. So when I leave the gym this week, it will not be saying, "Man, I can't even run five miles." Instead I will be saying, "What can I change in my run to accomplish that goal of running five miles?"

Reach for the sky!

I hate being a perfectionist. Let me tell you right now---raise your children to know that there is "good" and "good enough", and "good enough" is just fine. You'll still get into heaven being "good enough". Here's the story----

This month has been a hard one to run. At the beginning of the month, there was the 2010 Flood, where Nashville received 14" of rain in two days. Yes, you read that right. The amount we get in three months came in a 48 hour time period. So the kids and I stayed inside, climbed the walls, and had Jammie Day for 2 long, weekend days. Those two days were a wash, so to speak, in terms of getting out and running.

When the rain went away, the heat came out to play. At 9am last Wednesday morning, I could barely walk/run a complete mile. It seemed like the heat and humidity were just too much for this delicate hot-house flower.

This past weekend when I visited my parents, I made a point of getting up early and hitting the sidewalk by 0530 for a 2 mile run. Ugh. Did that, glad it's over.

So, now to today. Miles had his respite provider over, Nathan went to childcare, and I went to the gym. I set high expectations for myself, and that is Point A that I hate about myself. I set goals that are too high, I know they are too high, but I still set them and hope I can reach them. I though, "With three hours to myself, I can do 5 miles on the treadmill, then 5 miles on the bike, move to the elliptical for 5 miles, and maybe lift some weights to finish off the routine." That was my thinking yesterday. This morning my thoughts were along the lines of "Workout or take a nap, that is the question." I really wanted to nap, I should have napped. My energy level has just taken a nose-dive since Joel is gone. But I also knew that logging these miles for my WTA would have to be accomplished at some point, so I might as well get them done and out of the way, right?

While I did not reach the lofty expectations I set for myself, I did manage to double my monthly total in this one hour cardio session--1 mile run, 5 miles on the bike, and 1 mile on the eliptical. No weight session, a hot shower was just too appealing.

So, the session was not "good" but "good enough", and that is fine by me.

Update: Presents for Mother's Day

As I previously posted, I had to purchase my own Mother's Day presents this year. So at the local PX, I found a pair of Nike Dri-Fit shorts for a steal of a deal...$24! They usually retail around $40, so I snatched them up before I had the opportunity to change my mind. I was also shopping for a new shirt to wear running, but I am picky about the color and if the shirt has pockets for my iPod and (most importantly) my phone. I finally found the exact shirt I was looking for, but the color was all wrong. It was a neon orange, and with my white and pasty colored skin....yeah, lets just not go there. So instead of the shirt, I purchased a new armband for my iPod. My current armband does not accommodate the Nike+ Receiver, so I either end up holding the iPod, or tucking it into the pocket of my shirt. The armband allows me to wear a shirt without pockets (or with smaller pockets), and gives me a little more freedom in my choice of clothing.

Thanks for the presents, Honey! You're the best!

My first follower!

I officially have my first registered follower.....NURSE HEIDI! She is a good friend of mine from when we both lived in Washington. I love her since she is thoughtful, funny, encouraging, giving, loving....need I say more? Oh, and she lets me bug her when my children are sick. :)

Thanks, Heidi! I just made my day. In the words of Sally Fields, "You like me! You really, really like me!"

Good news/Bad news...

Good news first----I have readers! It's nice to know that someone is reading this an (hopefully) enjoying it. [Smiles!] Jill and a friend of hers, as well as my wonderful father-in-law Paul are my three faithful readers (that I know of). So if you're reading this, and your name is not mentioned, please let me know! I'll be happy to give you a shout out as well!

Ok, now for the bad news---it has not been a good week running wise. With the down pour of rain last weekend, childcare closed on the *one* day this week I had a reservation, when I was going to hit the gym. GRRRR!!! So on Wednesday, I strapped Nathan into the stroller, and after a trip to the playground, we headed around the neighborhood. It. Was. Hot. I mean over 70 degrees at 9 am, and very high humidity. So I cut the run short--only 0.8 miles. And that has been it. Summer has apparently arrived this week with a score to settle; the weatherman has said it has been record breaking heat this week. So with my trip to Nashville this weekend, I am hoping that the grandparents can watch the kids so I can get out and log some miles. And here's to hoping that childcare is open next Tuesday.

Presents for me!!!

This coming Sunday, Mother's Day, I will be celebrating my fifth Mother's Day. CRAZY!!! I can't believe it---who gave me permission to have a four year old??!!! :) But it is also the FOURTH Mother's Day that Joel will not be here to celebrate it with me. [Sigh]. Last night when I spoke with him, I dropped a hint about that, and he confessed that he *did* attempt to order something off my Amazon wish list, but the Internet connection was acting flaky, and that I would need to complete the transaction myself.

So I logged onto the Internet this morning to see what he was going to order---two Nike Livestrong running tank tops! YIPPIE!! But the sad news was that one was sold out in the size I needed. And while I do wear a Medium about 95% of the time, I am also kind of finicky about ordering clothes online---I'm one that has to touch and try on clothes before making a purchase. While his heart was in the right place, it leaves another Mother's Day where I purchase my own present.

(Note: after one year telling me that Joel did not get me anything for Mother's Day because I'm "not his mother", I think he has learned his lesson. He understands that he has to do the shopping for the boys, or else all the boys in the house will be sharing a house---outside---the dog house.)

Another present I have received for my running is from my wonderful, very supportive and encouraging Father In Law, Paul. What a great man! In March when he visited, I talked a little reluctantly about my running adventures, which at that time were just beginning. I spoke about how at that time it was mostly me walking around the neighborhood pushing Nathan in the typical Graco stroller. He offered to buy me a running stroller--or rather me purchase it and him write the check later. So I did my research, and one day while at the PX came across a jogging stroller on clearance-$76! How cool is that??? As soon as I get an acceptable picture I will post it, but it is pretty sturdy and Nathan seems to enjoy. That is, on the days that he does not fall asleep in it.....

Slow week

Sorry to not have written anything over this past week. It seems I have hit a lull in my running, nothing exciting and nothing note worthy to really write about. My running is coming along, slow on the days I push Nathan around the neighborhood, faster on the days I run on the treadmill. Lately, just to keep things exciting, I have been running a shorter distance on the treadmill (around 1 miles) and then several more miles on the stationary bike and elliptical machine. I told Joel that burnout and boredom are two things that can quickly sabotage a great workout plan, and by doing a little on all three machines, I hope to keep things a little fresh.

On one exciting note---my first month of "Walk to Afghanistan" is completed, and with a little motivation towards the end I managed to complete over 40 miles for the month. 46.63 to be exact. So that brings the total down to 1398.37 more miles to go! WAHOO!!! It is still a lot, but I think because it is now under 1400, the mental aspect of things make this seem like a) it is not so hard, and b) that this is a goal that I possibly can accomplish. With Joel gone this month, here's hoping to get 40 more miles in this month. We'll see.....